“Being a male is a matter of birth.
Being a man is a matter of choice.”
— Edwin Louis Cole
Manhood is under attack today, with many people questioning what it means to be a man.
This could be a symptom of affluence. Our ancestors spent most of their time struggling to stay alive. They didn’t have time to question what seemed so obvious.
Whatever the cause, the world has changed significantly in the last few years, but some things never change.
Growing up and becoming a man is about character. Real grown-up men have character traits that will always receive high regard. These are timeless traits people respect and find attractive.
Being a man doesn’t have much to do with how you look. A boy can drink whisky, lift weights, seduce women, and shoot guns.
Being a man is having what we call a backbone.
Backbone is strength of character, guts, resolve, and determination. It’s behaving in a strong, confident, or courageous manner.
“A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.”
-Malcolm X
A man with a backbone stands up for himself and his values
Respect is a big deal to a man; it’s tied to his self-worth.
Respect is something other than what you can demand.
You earn respect by showing others they are as important as you. A man will treat people how he wants to be treated and talk to others how he wants to be talked to. He won’t let his dog poo in his neighbors yard.
A man will treat everyone respectfully unless they give him a reason not to.
“He won’t let his dog poo in his neighbors yard.”
A man teaches other people how to treat him by setting clear boundaries. Treat a man disrespectfully; he will let you know you went too far.
A man respects himself. He will not stay in a business or personal relationship where there is no mutual respect.
A man will stand up for what he believes in. He has values that guide his choices and conduct. He will not back down from the truth.
To become a grown man, you must determine what you stand for. These are your values, not someone else’s. You have chosen them because they are essential to you.
And a man will stand up for those too weak to stand up for themselves. Real men are protectors. They are strong. They protect the vulnerable. These are men.
“There is one rule, above all others, for being a man. Whatever comes, face it on your feet.”
-Robert Jordan
A grown-up man takes charge – He knows he is accountable
It’s always in a man’s mind that he alone is responsible for how his life plays out. That thought motivates him to take the action needed to create the life he desires.
A grown-up man thinks about the possible consequences of his actions. He is the one who stands accountable for what he does. So if his dog runs away and poos in his neighbors yard, he will clean up the mess.
A man will own his mistakes. He will not blame circumstances or other people. He will not make excuses.
This sense of responsibility creates a dependable man.
A man takes responsibility; in many ways, this is the essence of what it means to be a man.
A man understands that, at times, he is responsible for taking charge and organizing those around him with a plan.
All things trend toward disorder. Without intervention, chaos increases over time. A man creates stability through his leadership. In the family, the workplace, and the community. Strong leadership benefits everyone.
“…if his dog runs away and poos in his neighbors yard, he will clean up the mess.”
A grown man does not let his emotions control him
A grown man needs to be emotionally strong. He is the solid rock in the storm that is dependable in times of chaos. When things fall apart he keeps a cool head. A man is there with a plan, ready to take control.
A man trains himself to respond to circumstances and not to react to them. When something goes wrong, he collects himself. He slows things down, taking the time to choose an appropriate response.
Thoughtless emotional reaction allows outside circumstances to control you. That can be dangerous.
Lose control of your emotions, and you begin to lose power.
A man always endeavors to respond to circumstances intelligently rather than reacting and making the situation worse.
“A man does not cry in front of the veterinarian when his dog dies.”
A man is careful to not show excessive emotion in front of others. A man does not cry in front of the veterinarian when his dog dies.
Anger is a legitimate emotion motivating you to take positive action. Losing your temper, however, is a sign of weakness. When your rivals understand your trigger points, they will use them to gain advantage.
Men DO cry, but they do so in private or only around those who have earned their complete trust. A man is the strong shoulder others should cry on; when you are over-emotional in public, you appear weak.
Men are not robots; they have emotions. Men can be passionate. Yet they are careful to never allow those emotions to control them.
The choices they make and the actions they take spring from their values.
“Stand true to your calling to be a man. Real women will always be relieved and grateful when men are willing to be men.”
-Elisabeth Elliott
